Galanty Miller

 

HomeSpeechwriterNewsHeadlinesFashion Police EssaysTwitterPlaysContacts


I write for Us Magazine's very popular "Fashion Police" section, which means I've spent way too much time looking at photographs of Kardashians. (note: If you ever looked at a photograph of a Kardashian, that means that you, too, have spent way too much time looking at photographs of Kardashians.)     

Here are some of my recent fashion comments...

 

(most recent update 11/23/15)

2015+Victoria+Secret+Fashion+Show+Pink+Carpet+Rxj7cNnZ5fqx.jpg (710×1024)

NICK CANNON: Pimpto Bismol

NATALIE DORMER: Game of Thrones may need to kill off a stylist. 

ariana-grande-heals-and-onesie--1439544157-view-1.jpg (460×615)

ARIANA GRANDE: First she licked a doughnut. Now she's wearing one.

GetImage.aspx (400×300)

MICKEY ROURKE: Don't forget to have your stylist spayed or neutered.

danica-patrick.jpg (740×1114)

DANICA PATRICK: It's Cleopatrick!

o-LEA-MICHELE-570.jpg (570×822)

LEA MICHELE: She's wearing sectionals.

Nickelodeon+28th+Annual+Kids+Choice+Awards+4zB3w4CfGYzl.jpg (374×600)

GARCELLE BEAUVIS: Those should be question marks. (Here's another one.) That outfit is horrible!!! (Here's another...) She needs to fire her stylist loudly.

AVRIL LAVIGNE: I don't support the troop.

MEL GIBSON: Jesus didn't die so you could wear those shorts. (Get it? Because of the movie? No? Okay, here's another one.) Mel G looks like Paulie D.

KRISTIN CHENOWETH & PETER GALLAGHER: Everyone conjoin in the Christmas celebration.

ElIJAH WOOD: He's using too much moose in his stare.

MILEY CYRUS: Santa wouldn't be the first one to go down that chimney.

JULIANNE HOUGH: the first contestant thrown off Pantsing With the Stars

X2Ef9Ykl.jpg (525×640)

JUSTIN BIEBER: "V" Is For Vomit   (or for those history buffs among my readers...) Guy Fawkes up again.

000-Khloe-Kardashian-in-Pyrexs-Plaid-Flannel-Shirt-and-Timberland-Boots.jpg (600×842)

KHLOE KARDASHIAN: I thought work boots were for people who work?

MELISSA GORGA: It's MG Hammer!

KIM & KANYE: "Will Work For Food" doesn't apply here since neither of them work. (No? Okay, how about...) They're out shopping for baby trench coats.

JARED LETO: Is Wrestlemania this weekend? (No? Okay, how about...) He just needs a tire on the front lawn to complete the outfit.

KYLIE MINOGUE: She really loved her trip to SeaWorld.

Tilda Swinton

TILDA SWINTON: A teacher gives her a gold star every time she wears a bad outfit.

JOHN MAYER: It's Teddy Shmuckskin! (Or how about...) It gets cold in Wonderland. (Or...) He says offensive things. But he's really just a big teddy bear.

RITA ORA: Where The Wild Things Ora

FLORENCE WELCH: Flor: The Dark World

JOEL MADDEN: It's Punk Rock Smurf!  (Here's another one.) And the side effects of Rogaine are…

ALYSSA MILANO: That dress is literally like fingernails on a blackboard.

Beautiful couple: Kourtney (left) looked stunning in her hot pink mini-dress whilst Scott (right) exuded class in his tailored suit

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN: This year’s top Halloween costume? Miley Cyrus’ tongue.

REBEL WILSON: That should probably be an "indoor" cat.

KANYE WEST: Nothing says “peace & love” more than punching the Paparazzi.

Kaley Cuoco Clothes

KALEY COUCO: I’m not cuckoo for Couco’s pants.

 

BLAKE LIVELY: Do the snozzberries taste like snozzberries?

Tatyana Ali-GRE-005100.jpg

TATYANA ALI: I suddenly have a craving for Doritos.

 Click to view full size image

JUSTIN BIEBER: It's Bieber Bailey. (Since it's Justin Bieber, here's another one...) His career's got no legs.

Jennifer Lawrence cleavage

JENNIFER LAWRENCE: It's the "Hunger Games" for babies.

NICK NOLTE: This is what would happen if Ernest Hemmingway and Dick Tracy collided.

 

KELLY OSBOURNE: Do they get a lot of sun in the Wonka Factory?

RIHANNA: It's Ri-ambo

PARIS HILTON: She has the lead role in Fifty Shades of Stupid. (Here's another one...) Sadly, being a dominatrix is the first real job she ever had. (And here's another....) Our "safe word" is horrendous.

JENNA JAMESON: I guess porn isn't the only thing you can get free off the Internet.

CEE LO GREEN: Checkers, everyone?

MIKE "THE SITUATION" SORRENTINO: It's Fonzie if Fonzie wasn't cool.

CORRINE BAILEY RAE: It's not easy being Corrine.

GABRIELLE CARTERIS: She played a student in the 80s; now she looks like a teacher in her 80s.

MACY GRAY: It's the world's biggest G.I. Joe Action Figure.

TAYLOR SWIFT: Teenage girls can see themselves in Taylor Swift… literally.

Linda Evangelista

LINDA EVANGELISTA: Lin-sanity continues.

VICTORIA JUSTICE: Justice is blinding.

BAR RAFAELI: It's a topless Bar.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL: First she was killed by the Joker. Now she is the Joker. 

 

KARINA SMIRNOFF: Nothing says “the spirit of Christmas” like clubbing baby seals.

KATE MOSS: I though NetZero was an Internet provider, not a dress size.


 

BONO: In Denim of Love